Over the past few weeks I have been trying to really confront, research and learn what osteoporosis really is and what it actually means for me and my future. Frankly it all looks a little bleak, and its been something of a shock to really get under the hood of what it all means.
Ive joined a number of sites the best of which seems to be the inspire site that helps bring sufferers together to discuss and share and support each other. As well as people sharing their stories (more on that in a bit) it has diet, nutrition, drug and all sorts of personal and direct experience info on it that provides the greatest insight into what can and cant be done proactively and from research and side effects of many of the drugs.
Im not currently being treated with any of the known and recognised OP drugs as they are deemed too severe, nasty, aggressive, horrid side effects such as bone cancer and infertility - all a bit bleak, and predominantly only for post menopausal women or much older people. So where does that leave me (and my fellow sufferes wiht this thing at such a 'young' age? Well Im taking 20000units a week of Vitamin d as we know. Thats it and a bunch of other supplements to try and help that absorb into my bones. Without the Vitamin D, K doesnt absorb, C doesnt absorb and neither does calcium, so they are all linked. I also referred to the fact that Im bruising a lot and it seems this is an outward sign of these deficiencies too!
The site though gives a lot of advice from people taking a number of of the drugs, their bone status, pain, conditions. To summararise a few of the cases and people on there:
28 yr old girl in SA who has -4 T scores, several broken hip issues, ops, and little support, medication etc. shes pretty incapacitated and also wants kids but being given no advice by her doctors on how viable this even is.
chap of 30 diagnosed with OP. lot of pain, again incapacitated. no treatment either
people in mobility scooters in their 30s and 40s (as well as much older) breaking bones hitting lumps in the street. people bending over in a chair and breaking bones, carrying heavy things and breaking, spines shortening and people loosing several cm and inches in height........33 yr old male with 2 breaks in his spine (readings are -3.6 - mine are -3.2) requiring critical ops on his spine and not being elligable due to his condition.......!!!
These stories go on and on. Its pretty dire if Im honest. I only feel thankful that Im not dealing with all that, just a bunch of broken ribs and a lot of pain!
BUT - there are the success stories of course too. cases of very careful diet mangement, cuting out red meat, keeping diet more alkaline (acid erodes bone density) special cook books, and fitness balls that help increase bone density in the lowest impact way so as to avoid breaking. Some people are maintaining lifestyles, running and still playing some sport like tennis and even one lady still skiis, but that is after years of building back up her bone density. its a risk, but then I guess crossing the street is too.
I know of a lady who died on impact in a car accident recently. There is much debate about how much her osteoporosis contributed to her injuries, but the facts arent encouraging! its a shock to lose someone anyway, but knowing that a disease like this exacerbated the situation only makes it worse! my thoughts are wit the family.
So where am I? Well in all honesty i tip back and forth between super positive, fighty and strong, to an utter emotional wreck. Putting a brave face on and just getting on with things is sometimes just utterly exhausting, but its the only way I seem able to cope. But I also have days where I pretend that none of this is happening and have a day/ night off from being me. I drink and party and do too much and pretend that Im fine. Its a lifeline in small doses as it lets me feel normal, but the fall out the following day is huge. Physicall vomitting and sickness, cant get out of bed, shaking, sweats, pain and aching. Its all pretty grim. So you ask is it worth it? WEll at the moment I believe yes. To be able to go out and chat and be ' normal' and have fun and socialise like before is good for my sanity.(even if its not best for my body and my health!) It makes me feel better and strong and like I can get through it all. I need that. But I do also recognise that its a strong vein in me of utter denial and not really wanting to face up to it all. WIth knowledge comes power, but so also often comes pain, worry, understanding and of course denial!
I dont let this out very often, my modus operandi is to just get on with it all despite being tired or a bit overwhelmed, I dont want to go on about it all the time, I get bored talking about it. I get bored of being ill and being me. and I hear in my own head how shallow it can seem to others, that this is a disease that might not instantly kill me like cancer could, but it is a long running, debillitating disease and somehow because Im fine on the outside (right now), I cant really complain. Ive got plenty of good stuff to celebrate after all.
I have wonderful family and friends who are looking after me. I have a supportive job and company helping me get through this so I can find a way to keep working and be effective in my job and still be independent. I have a big bubbly personality and a glass half full approach to most things so that all keeps me going.
And then I have moments where I just explode and cry, usually I might add on my own in the privacy of my own home - the cat looking on! People say crying is good. Its an important way of healing, of getting the stress out, of just deflating a bit. Its cathartic and therapeutic. I think in the past 4 or 5 months since I was diagnosed I have had a good cry only maybe 3 or 4 times. Something usually triggers me. A friend not being supportive and feeling dissapointed by it, or someone being truly kind and thoughtful and holding my hand, or even just watching some crap rom com on tv. it just comes out. But that is good I guess. Im not really a cryer I dont think, but maybe I should do more......maybe its also a form of acceptance I guess too. Another step in the process.
I mentioned the cat. Well he really does have a 6th sense and a remarkable capacity to just know when Im feeling bad. My baby bear is just there right beside me when Im wobbly or having a low day, or the pain is bad. Animals truely are healers. I cant think what life would be like with out my little bear. He is my shadow, and sticks like glue. Thank you Louie.
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