Well, life continues as always and I realised that I haven't really mentioned my progress recently, but a number of people have been asking, so here goes.
My regular rounds of tests and scans happen every 4-6 months and there are still huge questions unanswered as to how all this came about - needless to say the depo provera contraceptive was a huge catalyst and women simply should never take it! I think we have all come to accept that there is no real obvious answer, which still has them all scratching their heads but I have in the meantime learnt how to manage things. My friends are great and mostly remember that when giving me a hug not to squeeze too hard, but otherwise for all intents and purposes Im managing. I continue to get the fibromyalgia (latent bone pain) but the hot weather this summer has been a dream and bliss as a result - less pain on average. Damp days are grim and achey, so lots of hot drinks and baths! I wear layers when everyone else is seemingly half dressed around me, air con in offices is a total killer, and Raynauds seems to have kicked in in my fingers now, a common link to bone and joint issues, so Im looking good with my fingerless gloves! I barely take any pain killers now, just on occasion when things get a bit much, and I have definitely worked out to wait for the pain levels to reach their 'top' and then use mind over matter to actually manage them back down. The bone readings are continuing to climb in the right direction and every 0.1 increase is a small win for my bones, robustness and general wellbeing. It will never be back to normal and there is a very long way to go to get to 'safe' readings, but Im going in the right direction! the readings are at an average now of -2.8 (from -3.2) which is pretty good in 2 years! its a long way from +1 but thats life! its just over 2 years since I was diagnosed and its the right trend! daily calcium, magnesium and vitamin d keep it at bay! When I look how far I have come in 2 years, I have have to really stop and look at what I have achieved and see actually how much we can really do for ourselves. I chose to fight and not take the medical diagnosis as the end point!
I have had 2 more big accidents this year that have rocked me again, and have meant that Ive really had to look at how I listen to my body. My confidence and beliefs have been tested and I have really had to regroup, and just slow down (i didnt think I was going that fast to be honest!)
The first was an accident whilst on holiday for Christmas and new year. I had a very negative person with me at the time, and her negativity, aggression and anger massively affected me, to such an extent than rather than removing myself from her company and protecting myself, I ignored it, trying to be supportive to her and it resulted in a situation that should never have happened - and torn ligaments, tendons, ruptured arteries and veins in my right ankle and leg. It was a total mess. But something amazing happened too. Being in Mexico I met a Shamen. He helped me understand why it happened and how I was allowing her negativity to invade my world and attract rubbish to me, because I wasnt letting it go or just wash over me. I was so affected by her behaviour that it had a major detrimental affect on me. It was a huge eyeopener and Ive tried to take that forward with me since. I had been allowing her to take her anger and frustrations out on me, she was bullying me and all of us around her, and instead of just saying to myself that it was her shit to deal with, I was letting it affect me too and bring me down. Result, was repatriation home following a rather miserable new years eve on a beach that I couldn't walk on (I was in a cast and on crutches!). But as is also always the case, with the bad also comes good, and I met 3 fantastic people who could not have been more wonderful and kind to me at the time, Sasha, Jason and Justin. I know I will keep these people as friends, they are kind, honest, genuine and like-minded! We were all on own own journeys out there and we all found ways to purge ourselves of some of our demons (or past stories that were lingering!!)
The second accident was purely that - an accident and again involved this time the other ankle! this time though I did fracture a bone in my left foot and its still suffering 8 weeks down the line. But I got to work every day, I had ice packs on every night, I managed and pushed myself over another hurdle - again, this time it was an annoyance rather than a major drama, but it has had its impacts! In both cases when you cant walk properly and enduring pain, you tend to cease up, over compensate or try and protect the injured item. This has meant that my back has been a mess, headaches and migraine have increased and my ribs and bones have rebelled and given me quite a bit of grief, just to remind me, that whilst all might look ok on the outside, not to take for granted whats on the inside! But, and I say this as a strong BUT! I have just got on with it. Ive gone out when I can, Ive been to a few events and done a few things, even got to a wedding in Germany and I have to take my hat off to myself on occasion! it has been pretty exhausting at times, and Ive barely managed a smile when things have got a bit beyond the pale! but I have tried to just get on with it all. My Chinese Doctor Li has kept me going and without her massage and acupuncture it would have been a lot harder. she has been a godsend. It does put some things in to perspective when you are tired and at wits end from the constant nagging of pain. but there is always an end to it, and always someone out there to help support you and carry you and help!
I have been thankful for the handful of people that have been there fore me, my mum and dad 2 of the most special people in the world - how they keep putting up with my dramas Ill never know! but I have to admit something really hard too! When the second fall happened I was on my own in my house (that is like fort knox) and I couldnt see how anyone could get in and get to me! no one had spare keys, the front door is 4x bolted and I couldnt move! I was totally alone and I had a moment of panic! I had to move, I had to help myself, there was no point crying and hoping someone would help - they couldnt get in! (so now my friend has spare keys and my cleaner too!) it was an incredibly scarey and lonely moment! but I have made sure that cant happen again! we learn from everything!
So thats me for now........I have 2 new ventures running that are exciting and utterly terrifying at the same time, Im totally out of my comfort zone with both but being uncomfortable is good, it means we are testing ourselves and challenging what we know - we are learning......its a good place to be!
