After I left hospital my bro got me up to my parents place in Suffolk where I lounged in the garden in those 10 days of glorious indian summer that we got in September. Back to london for more appointments and tests and living quietly since. (see previous blogs for those updates)
Im still on whacker killers, but I decided that I was going to give myself a bit of a push and go back to work earlier than last time. Pain levels are still high, but I was getting to the point of just drifting from one day to the next in an endless stream of nothingness. Yes I sorted out some cupboards, paperwork, made a tray, did some filing, applied for a mortgage and had a daily wander in the lovely local parks and shops (not a great state of play for my current account - I can say that is one major advantage of being at work, not to mention that there isnt a spare inch in my wardrobe now either, note to self......monitor major shopping habit!!) but all in all i didnt feel like I was really making progress. This is not really the case in reality. I was resting a lot, eating good diet and not drinking, and making small steps daily in what I could manage to do for myself, so as a girlfriend of mine said.......small achievements and goals to check off........like a gold star sheet when your 5! I must have a full sheet by now, maybe I'll put one up in the kitchen! an achievements chart!hmmm.
SO, I went back to work on Monday. HUGE tick. I was high as a kite. Loved seeing everyone, arranged my return to work schedule, spoke to doctors, made lots of decisions, status reports from my team and even met with my boss. It was a busy day and I barely stopped. I had to go back up on the painkillers to get through it all and by the time I flopped on the sofa around 7 in the evening, I knew I wouldnt be doing a lot for a while.
Tuesday and WEdnesday I barely left the house, did work calls, read some reports, emails, and generally caught up with work stuff, but I was utterly floored! my body was simply not responding to my mental instructions to carry out basic tasks. ITs rather like having ME I suspect. I was utterly knackered and body and brain simply not working together! and then also not sleeping just to add insult to injury!
Work again on Thursday, again productive and I have a list an arm long of todos! now I can get stressed about too much to do and how to fit it all into 2 days a week! but a good problem to have. Nice also to be needed, I was starting to feel that I might not be a necessary cog in the wheel! My team reassures me otherwise. thanks peeps! But I will say that Im tired. par for the course and like anyone whos had a holiday for a few weeks, those first days and week back at work are always a bit overwhelming and knackering even if you are fit, which of course Im not!
My fridge had got to a rather sorry state this week, so a rather emergency shop was done today on the way home slowly following a chat with a journo about this whole saga. She seems to think that its a good message and story to get out there, so I'll keep you posted on what happens there! Maybe I have a voice and a cause here and this is my time to charge like the lightbrigade in the cause for osteoporosis in younger people (there is so little research on this currently!)
A couple of other things have occured over the past few weeks too though. My phone deal with 02 is definitely working out more cost effective and I think I might finally be using some of those 1000 mins I get in my package. Im going all old fashioned again, Im actually calling girlfriends/ friends and chatting a lot, texting is suffering a harsh demise in some regards in my life,(that could also be because Ive developed lazy finger syndrome and cant be bothered to type!) and facetime is getting a great reception too. love it! although I do have a slight panic about bad hairdays and smudgy lippy or eyeliner when Im actually "facing"!! I feel like one of those teenagers that had their own line in their room and used to constantly hog the phone (Im aware they still do this, but just on a pay as you go mobile phone now!)........and people also love actually chatting too......really! how and when did we all allow ourselves to get so impersonal and stop talking to each other?
Ive also been using the postal system a lot more, messages and cards to friends, little things to send in the post, its given me a lot of satisfaction, and be honest, we all love getting a letter or package in the post!
so Im also going to champion us all chatting and swapping addresses again, like we once did about 10 years ago in the heyday of the filofax and brick mobile phone! the funny thing is that getting a note or gift in the post can go a huge way to brightening someones day, and those little things have made such a huge difference in my rather bubbletastic world of late!
It has been a tough week too though. Ive done a lot of research this week on both depo and on osteoporosis and the more I read the more frightening it gets. Ive joined discussion forums for fellow sufferers and I cant begin to say how many people seem to feel as isolated by this illness, as I have. Doctors just dont have the info and the knowledge and no-one seems to know how to treat this condition in people under 50! the drugs and medication is so limited if not agressive in so many of us with horrid side effects. many are dealing with alternative solutions, diet and general support. But it is scary actually how many people are affected and not just getting the odd broken bone, these people are housebound, in constant pain, many have walkers or wheelchairs.......its a slow and silently progressive disease, and Im finding its very hard to take that all in still. I dont know if Im still in some place of denial and not wanting to face up to all this, but equally I dont want this to beat me. I will keep researching and messaging and finding out all I can. I feel its a responsibility to myself as well as others. If Im honest I do find it a bit depressing, but the only way to deal with this is to confront it and just find out more.
