summit walk - Kilimanjaro 27/10/10

So, little sleep so far, and camping at 4600m, which left a good 1000 and more metres to climb between the hours of midnight and 8!

at 11pm we allgot out of our tents and got our stuff together. There was a general quiet amongst the group, only a couple of the chaps had climbed before so knew what to expect, the rest of us were both litterally and metaphorically in the dark about it! It was bitterly cold too, around -22 or so.

We had our light packs, head torches, walking poles, and 3 litres of water each, plus some snacks and a couple of extra layers to wear.
the first part of the ascent was steep up through boulders. ahead of us all we could see were all the other groups whod left ahead of us by their tiny headlamps on as a trail all the way up the side of the mountain that seems to just go on and on forever.
We walked in single file, stepping very sowly as we had been taught. All of us concentrating on the persons heals in front, no banter like all our previous walks, just the sound of foot on scree and rock, breathing, the odd cough. the first rest point we stopped and had a snack. so far so good. I did notice at this point a sense of being tired and having a sore back, but not enough to start worrying.
on we went to the next stop around another 400m further up. this was more open and a few of us went for  quick look break. we were making god ground, but it was clear that all of us were really in our own places trying to focus on the ascent. My back was in spasm at this point. I mentioned it to the guides and we discussed that I would continue. less than about 100m further up the mountain I ceased up. the cold was geting to me, I was knackered and I started to think that I might not actually make it. one of the other girls had also started having issues with her legs and dizziness and sickness. I saw her turn back. I was with one of the other chaps, going slow at the back and 2 guides. we carried on. My back was getting worse and worse, but my mind was saying 'you've come this far keeep going!!" it was at this point I sat down and took off my pack for the 3rd time that night and began to doubt!

I told Ian to carry on without me. I had to get my head together. My guide rubbed my back with the back of his hand and got my circulation going. Id stoped feeling my fingers and I was starting to get s distracted from pain that I wasnt sure I could put one foot in front of the other. But I did. we would go 20 m and Id sit, Id rest and then carry on. I had no painkillers and I was taking my glucose pills as much as possible and plenty of the water I had. the scree on this slope is also mind boggling at times, you can take a step and find yourself lower than where you started. its hard work, its pitch black, its silent and its sodding freezing (-25) I put all my layers on and kept going.

Id got to about 5650m when it all started to become too much, but what I realised with my guide was that the pain despite being horrendous in my back and being totall exhauseted, more than ever in my life before, yauwning every step, wanting to lie down and sleep no matter how cold I was, I understood somewhere in my mind that it wasnt getting worse.
they say that mind over matter is a remarkable thing. if you can find a way to deal with the pain you have you can push yourself in conditiions you never thought possible. Iver heard this of men in wars and losing limbs, but I never thought that my mind would be doing the same, but even in these circumstances somewhere I made a note that bad as it was, it wasnt geting worse. if I could just manage this out now, with regular stops and rests to ease the pain I might make it. that and my guide coaxing me up that mountain!!!!
it is really quite bizarre what you can discover about yourself in such situations and I think that this was my big lesson. that there comes a point where you can chose to give in or you can try and combat it. you know your limits, you know your markers, you have survived this long, maybe you can keep going........it is this that I learnt on that mountain. Times can be tough, it can hurt like hell, it is more miserable that you ever dreamed and you think there is no way to go on and yet somehow you do and can!

I got to the rim of the crater of the mountain, past some of the glaciers and collapsed. this was around dawn at about 6.45. Id watched the sun start to rise about 200m short of the crater rim where I knew the rest of the group would be enjoying ginger tea and snacks. plus they had the painkillers! After another collapse moment on the rim my guide got me up and on I trudged. as I ascended my group started to apear coming back down. they had summitted around 7.15.........I finally got there at 8am.

All I can express is relief at that point. Graham had come back with me and got me there. we had photos, so all credit to him he summitted twice and he held my hand in making it that last 20 min stretch. I was too tired to cry or laugh or really react. my back was starting to easy finally from the massive painkillers that hugh gave me on his way back down only half hour earlier. I had climber 7.5 hours without painkillers in the coldest night, in the dark in more pain that I can remember, but I did it. you can really discover how tough your body is at these times.

G and I then practically ran off the mountain. the altitude was getting to us, as was the sun. sunlight on a morning like this is remakable to, its the biggest relief you can feel after a night of what seemed like pure hell. the rest of the group were obviously ahead of us, but we got back for lunch. so far 15 hours walking! the way down is sheer joy through scree (like running down a huge sand-dune) surfing the stuff as you slide down. plus you get down sooooooo much faster! the further down you go the better your head and body feel!

after returning to camp late morning - we rested and I got some porters to help me off the mountain at this point. my legs had gone to jelly, my back was horrendous, despite pills, and I was so unbelievebly tired I could barely put one foot in front of the other. after a small amount of lunch and a rest, we continued. this is the fast descent. Myself, G and 2 porters and 2 guides get us off that mountain, all taking it in turns to keep me somewhat upright. rocks can spring out at you when you fel that disorientated.

Final camp is around 3000 just less meters. its warm, its back in the jungle and its pure bliss. I slept again for the first time in 5.5 days.

the final day walking of that mountain through jungle and seeing such beautiful flowers and trees and greenery also makes you appreciate the differences that a trip like this serves up. the contrast of hard harsh cold and brittle conditions up on the mountain and the lush greenery of the forrest. you can compare everything.

And so my summing up.
I learnt on that mountain that I can tolerate a lot of crap. the pain I went through was dire, but I made it to the top of that mountain all 5895m of it. I was proud of myself for getting there yes, and raising 2500 quid, but more than that, looking back now with what I face on a daily basis, a disease that has snuck up on me the way it has, makes me realise if I could combat that, then Im going to damn well try and combat this! Im a tough little cookie, I know that much about myself, and I know that I can keep pulling on my reserves even when I dont think I have any left! that is life. that is what I have learnt. I wont and I havent given up.......this is me......

.......and it seems that I climbed that mountain and already had osteoporosis and didnt even know it! a double whammy if I really think about it. It might explain my bones feeling sore and tired, but it might just be a massive positive that despite myself , even then I managed it! (dangerous as I now know it was.....and Im not just talking the mountain and the altitude!)