a new diagnosis

......dufuss, accident prone, 2 left feet, dingbat, disaster zone.........just a few of the labels Ive had  given to me over the past 2 years.....yes, its funny and you start to believe it, but actually it turns out there is a reason. On the flip side  Ive climbed Kilimanjaro and recovered from a skiing accident that the doctors told me that my knee (a torn exterior cuciate ligament) would take 18 months or more to build up and be working properly -  I did it in 6 months from Feb 2010 to October 2010 when I climbed Kili and defied them. I guess all that shows is that when you set your mind to something you can overcome it and actually prove 'them ' wrong..... And it turns out that actually Im not any of those things. People have the same 'accidents' and incidents every day of the week, it just turns out that when they get a bruise, I break!! lets hope that same doggedness to fix for Kili will help me in this next few months and the years ahead!

The long and short of it is that I have a very rare and pretty dangerous form of osteoporosis. yep -  to you and me and anyone elses thats an old persons disaease most of the time! But Im 35 and the variant I have makes it super dangeous for me to do pretty much anything right now.It might be genetic, thats being investigated. I have deficiency in Vitamin D (the sunlight vitamin) I have little and no bone density in my ribs, spine and neck and a small amount in my hips. In short, if I fall I break, if I roll over the wrong way I break, if I was to fall off a horse or on a skislope I will break. Its dangerous for me to have kids right now as I would break! basically pretty much my life the way I have been living it the last 20 years means that Im likely to break, which means more pain, more pills, depression, house arrest a fuzzy head from the likes of heroine and morphine based pills and wondering what the hell happened! Now, generally Im active, Im sporty, Im in to anything you throw at me, I love the outdoors, riding, partying and socialising, walking and clearly Ive climbed a pretty significant mountain too! Im in limbo right now whilst I get reffered to yet another specialist to find out just exactly how they are antcipating on treating me and helping me get stronger. For now my life is on hold. For now Im just eating a healthy diet, drinking less, sleeping more, resting more and dealing with the constant pain of the 6 current broken bones I have, that are desperately trying to knit and really struggling to do so! (6 weeks of healing time has become 4 months!!!)

So how did I get to this point? Well it turns out that in that same skiing accident in feb 2010 I also broke a couple of ribs. No big deal I hear you say, and so I thought too. I took some painkillers, took it easy, and even went off on another long weekend trip a month later and with heavy  knee strapping and some painkillers and ibrubrofen gel, thus I managed a few more hours on the slopes, albeight v slowly and cautiously.
I took up a personal trainer and focused on a super healthy diet and bit by bit got my knee to mountain fitness. I climbed a few scottish fells, went to the brecon beacons for a jaunt, lots of running, cycling and spin sessions in the gym and I was fit enough with good lung capacity for climbing a mountain and off I went to Tanzania with a crowd of friends and a few of theirs and 8.5 days later summited at Uhuru after the most exhausting and mind stretching experience of my life. But I will tell that story some other time. Since then I have returned to london, turned 35 and its all gone a bit down hill since.

Christmas work party, lots of fun and cheer, a few coctails and some dancing resulted in being rugby lifted by one of my colleagues (he lifted about 6 or 7 girls up that night I might add as he was on a bit of a roll!) and somehow I came out with a broken and disclocated rib. Now that should have been a  warning sign, but as this started, everyone said, "Well only you sal, it could only happen to you, you duufus, youre so accident prone, never mind, haha!!" I thought the same, why would I think anything else. I made some joke, took the piss out of myself and told a good story that seemed to entertain.
So I pushed through Christmas and New year on heavy (only 30mg codeine) painkillers and some diclofenac and got on with it. Yes a little depressed about feeling broken, single and just 35 but otherwise holding it together!

And then the first BIG accident happened.January 10th, 9.30 getting on the tube at Arsenal, busy rush hour and 'just my luck' got the dodgy doors that slammed shut on me. but this is not where it ends. They slammed, which if you are a daily tube user you know they normally glide shut. If something gets stuck in them they are suppposed to re-open. This DID NOT HAPPEN. They continued to squeeze and squeeze and I couldnt struggle free, nor could I breathe. They had me firmly in their grasp and werent lettting go. Now being fit (see training for Kili!) I did manage to struggle free and pretty much collapsed in the tube. NO, noone helped me -  such is the joy and friendliness of londoners! Somehow, persuading myself I was just winded and that it would pass, I shuffled to work in Holborn. By the time I got there I was white as a ghost, still couldnt breathe, was in shock and a huge amount of pain down my right side ribs! A cab ride and 5 hours of A&E more broken ribs were diagnosed, more painkillers, and 'back to work when you can' was suggested. Only this time I couldnt move, I couldnt get out of bed or get to the corner shop. In short it was horrendous. No real help, as I live on my own and willingly admit that Im rubbish at asking for help. The help that I did ask for didnt come. (I'll write further on how you find yourself reasessing a lot more than just your health at these times in your life, and the quality and actual meaning of some friendships are utterly prooven at these times!) So doctors appointments and much stronger pills -  tramadol 50mg and diclocfenac, plus constant pain, utter knackeration and a fuzzy head, somehow I pushed myself back to work out of frankly huge frustration and large helpings of loneliness. In hindisght I can also see that there was probably a niggle that something nastier was afoot and denial was kicking in too.
6 weeks and a large dose of pigheadedness and I had got to a point where this years skiing trip was upon me. Id got bronchitis due to lungs not being able to work properly directly as a result of the broken ribs -  a common side effect when you break any chest area! So 4 rounds of antibiotics took over from the pain meds and Chamonix offered up some lovely mountain air, a bit of VERY relaxed skiing and general relaxation -  time  out of my more increasingly pill and pain bound existance.
SO  -  by this point Ive been taking painkillers since second week of December and its now March. not a day has gone by without painkillers or antibiotics and of course other than the odd run on the snow, no exercise.
But I thought things would start looking up. I was still getting chest pain from the stretched intercostal ribs ahving foreshortened a bit, but nothing as bad as before......... and then I rolled over in bed in April and discolcated and re-fractured a rib or 2! I know, that just seems totally mad! I mean honestly. how I didnt at this point realise that there was a nasty in wait for me I dont know. probably more of that denial and stubborness kicking in! ( and I know this beacuse when I saw my scans 2 weeks ago the doctor was able to age all the different fractures in my ribs!)
So, yes, you've got it already, more painkillers and more antiinflamatories now taking me to the best part of 6  months on the sodding things. tramadol for bad days, codeine 30mg for better days.
no -  not finished yet.
So Im just starting to come out of that tunnel, back pain etc all being side effects and I go to a work awards dinner. now again probably because Im a bit more cautious, and a bit more worried about myself these days I automatically did the following, but its not what I would have done if I was feeling fit and strong and confident. I was lifting my right foot (in rather beautiful bejewelled heels) off the ground and as i started to sway back a little grabbed the colleague next to me. Now he wasnt totally steady on his feet, as he'd been enjoying the evenings festivities you might say, so in hidsight grabbing him for stability was a bit of a schoolboy error! I hit the ground on my left side and he came down on top to just apply a bit more pressure on the already pretty fragile ribs! I heard and felt them crunch and in a shot I knew it was bad. That same feeling of shock, breathlessness, blood draining from my face and then the delayed reaction of pain. my brain told me it was bad, my bravado told me to put a brave face on and laugh it off. Now think about it. You fall over in a bar or a club or slip dancing or playing sport or sometimes just even on a loose pavement. You get a few bruises and your ego is a bit embarrassed but how often do you break 6 ribs? Really?
well after a long rant at the doctors to send me to a specialist all of whom said it was utterly impossible for me to have osteoporosis and that I was anything but accident prone, as you know from the beginning of this piece, its what I have got and because of my age and so forth, its really pretty serious.
 Its been 9 months of pain and lots of pills and finally I have a diagnosis, but Im jsut waiting for the plan for what next. Its limbo till I hear about that. Next appointment is this week with yet another specialist to find out exactly what they think they should do with me!