funny reactions!

Well Im not too sure how most people react when they are informed about some nasty thing, but Im guessing that its usually something along the following lines (especially if its about someone else, or they dont know what it is!)
1) make lots of appopriate sorry noises, shock, sadness, upset feeling, slight knot in the stomach or feeling of tension
2) go and look up on wikipaedia or googleit! (if its something you dont understand! oh the wonders of technology these days in our pockets too!)
3) offer some support
4) get on with their own shit.
5) call and chat and do friendly supportive stuff

Now there is nothing right or wrong about the above list (its pretty much what I would do so theres no saying if its right or wrong, who am I to dictate!), it only becomes a problem when actually people start to assume what they think it all actually means. There is some sort of statistic that as a patient you only hear about 40%, if that, of what you are being told and therefore when its something bad you really need someone else there being practical with all the questions and gathering info. They arent quite the same way emotionally involved as you are and can take the info in better -  note to self  -  mum coming to my next appointment next week!.

When I got my letter in the post (I know  -  it was a bit of a shock not to have an actual human being tell me in the first instance) only a week ago in big cap letters : Diagnosis: OSTEOPOROSIS ....I have to say that I then had to read the rest of the letter about 500 times to actually absorb what the hell I was seeing! not just a shock, I didnt think it was possible in someone my age. WIkipaedia on, results, journals, whitepapers, peoples blogs immediately found, within about 10 mins Id got a full perspective of the entirity of my position. And it really DIDNT LOOK GOOD. In fact it looked and still is f*$£ing scarey!!!

Now, I love people and have lots of fab friends and obviously some have been closer to my various dramas more recently than others, so they were the first to hear. They all reacted brilliantly and texted or called immediately (you know who you wonderful people are!) to offer support and just a shoulder to cry on, of which I was definitely holding back the tears and the shock to most! people have offered to cook me dinner -  thank you (but just bear in mind that  Im not very good at clearing up after you ;-) although I love and greatly appreciate the thought and the company,  due to the pain im in !). one person though did not react this way.
they were too tired after a long week, they didnt bother to find out what it was, and they rang me from the pub about 6 hours after I had first texted them the news and that i was in total bits and manic shock! Now why is this all so unreasonable you ask, they were clearly tired after a long week? well this person was the person that I have been supposedly going out with for the past 4 months! needless to say Im not now. Such selfish behaviour is really beyond the pale when your girlfriend has just been told such horrid news. a cuddle and a bit of moral support wouldnt have been hard and would have gone a long way! So, hes gone, yeay! another great piece of news for last Friday, and it wasnt even the 13th !

But it did bring me to thinking about how people react to things. I remember once when I was about 10 one of my mums best friends died very suddenly. I laughed! I was horrified at myself! But I laughed not because I was insensitive and  mean, it just happened. I was shocked and it just came out that way.  This chap clearly couldnt deal with his own crap so having to deal with mine was much too much and his way of dealing with it was to run away. At least I found out now, but it was a bit of a double gasp!

So back to what people hear. Im discovering that people hear "old persons disease..... Treatable.....vitamin deficiency........ and then proceed to tell me that Im actually fine and that its not so bad!  What they dont hear is...... RARE diesase for my age and not curable only manageable, dangerous, life on hold til I know what Im actually dealing with.
So if you do happen to see me or speak to me in the next few weeks, Im basically crapping myself, I feel like my life is somewhat irresolutely over right now, all the stuff I love doing is not allowed any more, I cant drink (much), I cant ride horses, climb mountains, run about or really do anything Im accustomed to doing and Ive got to work out exactly what is left. maybe think about what it means to break everytime you fall over! and then the pain for weeks afterwards...........sorry, its the only way I can put it into some sort of perspective, ie the one Im living in right now. And yes -  Im in a bit of a depressve 'trough' at the moment! Such a contrast to the "up" that I was having this time last year, the parties, the fun, the weddings, the gallavanting around, my job and colleagues (Ive been off work most of the last 5 weeks)  and not least training to climb a mountain, something that I never thought in a million years I would ever do, and now to my horror discover was unbelievably dangerous even back then! Even more so that for the average Joe.......but I climbed that mountain and I got to that peak (with some help!) and the contrast of my life this time last year to what Im facing now is just too much to even take in!

 Ill climb out of that trough sooner or later once I know what Im dealing with, but a good hug and a chat goes a really long way! Oh and just because i have this doesnt mean that Im a leppar and that you now cant invite me to anything  -  I can always let you know what I can and cant do and its still nice to be invited even if I cant do everything -  but I am pretty limited! (I write this as some people have already asked/ said this to me!).

Im trying to draw up an inspirational list of 'fun' things that I can do from here on in......please help! and no silly suggestions please like jumping out of planes etc (actually thankfully Ive done that one already anyway!) although maybe the commedy value of some would cheer me up no end! chuck em in after all, maybe we can get a voting system going on which ones I should be aiming for when I am a bit stronger and less like a brittle twig!

Ive got lifedrawing and learning Spanish and Italian so far! someone I know suggested growing garlic and veggies in my garden so Im doing that one too! maybe I'll become an arts and crafts obsessive and be plying you all with my home thrown pots over the next few years! watch this space..........and add some of your own!